My weight loss struggle.
Getting my stuff together.Archive for Schedule
Ready, set, go…!
It’s late. But we’re all prepared for tomorrow. The Little One’s food is made. His clothes are laid out. I know what I’m wearing. My bag is all packed for work. The alarm clock is set. The house is clean (relatively speaking.) I am dressed for the gym, and am going in the morning. I won’t be getting much sleep tonight, but it’s okay. I am all jazzed and excited about going to the Y. I will not turn the alarm clock in my sleep…I will go the Y. I will work out for 45 minutes. It will be great!
AM at the Y
Finally. Finally, we’ve got a routine as a household. We’ve gotten into a groove. Da Da takes care of The Little One in the mornings. He changes his diaper, brushes his teeth, and does all the little details that kids need in the mornings. It’s so cute; The Little One will even go get his wipes and bring them to us and can tell us what’s in his diaper. Da Da fixes the banana-honey-rice milk-oatmeal for The Little One, feeds him, gets him dressed (in outfits much better than the ones that I tend to choose,) makes the coffee, and drops him to day care (we switched to a place on the way to his job, which has made life so much easier.) We usually get up at about 5:30, and both leave around 7:15. I carpool to work with two coworkers who pick me up at the front door. In the afternoons, I arrive home first usually by 4:45 (one of the few perks of teaching.) I come home relax for a few, and then cook a nutritious meal for all of us that is on the table by 6:30ish. (The Little One has bad allergies to milk, soy, eggs, and wheat…so he gets his own special super healthy meals.) Da Da picks up The Little One from day care and arrives home between 6:15 and 6:30. We eat dinner together, and then I put The Little One to bed by 8:00, while Da Da cleans the kitchen. It’s been pretty smooth sailing, and this has worked well for us as a family. At the beginning of the school year, we really struggled about how to make the “Juggle” work for us. I felt so tired and overwhelmed. I was on the edge all the time. Things are much better now. While this schedule works well for us as a family, it is still missing something important: exercise. We have not fit in exercise. Neither one of us. We had been taking walks as a family on Sunday mornings, but somehow that stopped. Making a commitment to something means making time for it. I am going to have to exercise in the mornings. I would love to exercise in the evenings without disrupting Our Best System, but I can’t figure out how to make that work without rushing out the door as soon as I come, which I wouldn’t enjoy. I like taking walks, but walking around my subdivision in the afternoons bores me big time. I know that I’ve come up with lots of different potential schedules since I have been writing this blog, and part of me feels really embarassed about that. I keep wondering why I just can’t pick something and stick with it. But I have to keep trying until I get something that works for me and my family. I have to keep trying until I get it right. I’m really not trying to have perfection, just something that works and keep me in balance. (That’s me being defensive with myself!) I’m more of a morning person, so off to the Y at 5:15am is what I am trying now. I can work out from 5:30 to 6:15, be back home by 6:30, and ready for work 7:00.
Plan
Well, it took me a few days to get to a true mental place where I could begin.
And although I shouldn’t have, I indulged in a few “going away” treats. I shouldn’t say “going away.” That’s misleading. I don’t plan to give up sweets, or even fried food.
My goal is to achieve harmony and balance in my life and to make peace with food. All of it. From brown rice, to Popeye’s fried chicken to Trader Joe’s mango lemonade (so good!) to Baskin Robbins Pralines and Cream ice cream (G-d, please let me go to heaven, and please let there be ice-cream there!) A large part of my weight problem (no pun intended) is that I do not know how to deal with stressors and stress. I let almost everything and everyone get to me. I don’t have a barrier or filter. I am like a weak branch on a tree on a windy day: the slightest wind knocks me here and there. The smallest things can cause me to have an awful day, and to be stressed out for weeks. Literally. It is at these times I turn to food. Comfort food. Cheese. Burgers. Fries. Fried Chicken. Macaroni and Cheese. Grits (with lots of butter, salt, and cheese. Notice a theme with the cheese?!) I behave as if I don’t have time for anything but my stress and eating. I walk in a trance looking for food.
So this project of mine that I have embarked on, this challenge, is more than about just weight loss. It’s about changing how I interact with the world, and how I see and value me.
…………………………………..
On at least three occasions in my life I have lost a significant amount of weight. The first time was when I was in college. Over the course of my second semester of freshman year through the first semester of my sophomore year, I lost approximately 40 pounds. I went from about 212 pounds to 174 pounds. I worked out daily, ate sensible meals, gave up fast food, and studied nutrition. The second time was after college, when I went on a cleanse and fasted on “flower tea”, honey, and vitamins for three weeks, and walked for two hours a day. (Don’t worry, I couldn’t repeat this even I wanted!) The third time was when I gave up processed foods, ate “whole” foods, and exercised daily.
I maintained the first weight loss the longest. I attribute my initial success to the formation of good habits. I had a routine. And I stuck with it. I know that this sounds crazy, but somewhere along the way, I decided that routines were bad. Too restrictive. I looked at the successful people around me, and decided that they didn’t have routines (ummm…how I knew this, I don’t know!) so why should I? Therefore, I abandoned my routines. (At another time I’ll write about the problem I have comparing my life/self/possessions/career to others.) Now of course, I didn’t make a conscious decision to lay my routines (that worked!) to rest, but the lay psychotherapist that I now am, I recognize that that’s what I did. In every case where I was successful with losing weight, I had a routine, excercised, and kept my eyes on the prize.
It is what I must do again.
My plan for peace, moderation, balance, and weight loss looks like this:
Food//Water: At least 1o cups a day, only water, tea (not the ubiquitous “sweet tea”, just herbal or unsweetened). Coffee and juice in moderation. No artificial drinks.
No hydrogenated fats. No artificial dyes. No high fructose corn syrup. No white flour products. No fake sweetners.
Sweets once a week in small quantities.
Sensible Breakfast. (Without breakfast, I snack ALL day.)
Fruit Snack.
Sensible Lunch.
Fruit Snack.
Sensible Dinner.
Fruit dessert.
Daily routine: (In a nutshell!!)
Sun: Family walk. Yoga @ YMCA//prepare for week with food prep and clothes selection//Evening Prayer & Meditation//Bed @9:30
On the work side ( a HUGE source of my stress), make sure lesson plans are done.
Mon: up by 5:00 Prayer & Meditation//Morning 30 minute Yoga//me-time//Eve Walk//P&M//bed @9:3o
Tues: Prayer & Meditation//Mrng 30 min Yoga//Walk drng X block @ wrk//me tme/bed@9:30
Wed: Prayer & Meditation//15 minute stretch//me time//Evening Step Class//P&M//b@9:30
Thurs: Prayer & Meditation//15 min stretch//Walk during lst plan period//me time/b@10 w/p&m (Grey’s Anatomy comes on tonight!)
Fri: Prayer & Meditation//Morning 30 minute yoga//me time//Evening Walk//Prayer & Meditation
Sat: Prayer & Meditation//Yoga//me time//African Dance// Family time//Prayer & Meditation
I know this looks super detailed, (I actually have a more detailed one in my planner) but I realize there are so many components to living a good life: Keeping things in perspective….Realizing that there is a higher power. Being grateful. Spending time together as a family. Reading to my son. Spending time alone. Spending time with my husband. Nursing my marriage. Fufilling my commitments to my volunteer work. Finding time to call my parents. (And I guess I should include my siblings in this…I need prayer and meditation to deal with them!!!)
Outside of the prayer and meditation times, I see the “me-time” as the most important time on those schedules. It’s what I have been neglecting. During me-time, I just take time to relax. I put the stresses of the world away (e.g., “God please not Giuliani…!!!!!!) and I reconnect with me, which allows me to deal with life, and not have to drug myself with food.
This was a long post, but I needed to get this plan out there. I feel more accountable to following through with it when I know that I have an audience.
Even if I don’t know you. Which I hope will change.
My body is a temple, Goals for the week, and other thoughts.
February 4, 2008 at 3:23 am · Filed under Bad days, Schedule, Totally off track, figuring it all out, walk it out and tagged: weekly goals; need some comments; psychoanalyze myself
Note to self: Once I get off track, it’s hard for me to get back on. An aunt of mine once said, “You’re an all or nothing type of girl.” Unfortunately, I think she was on to something. The past two weeks were full of things that I had not planned for. And so I resorted to the “nothing” default.
While I knew they were coming, I had not taken the time to let my mind wrap around what those things would mean for my goals. The wedding (and reception), my mother’s visit, a field trip out of town with students, etc. I let myself have a “break,” as if feeding myself large amounts of crap was a reward. I have to stop thinking of food as life’s main pleasure.
I can’t remember whether I have mentioned this before, but I have a tendency to disconnect from reality and to live in my day dreams and thoughts. That might make me sound loony, but it’s true. I can go through weeks just preoccupied with the thoughts in my mind. Sometimes, I think that I might be clinically depressed, but I just try to push on through it. I have periods where I “wake up,” but I can definitely sink into another world, and just go through my real life like a smiling, nodding zombie. In fact, I have to work hard not to go into that world. When I think about it, I can remember, as a child and teenager, my mother frequently telling me to “snap out of it.”
Since professional counseling is not an option at the moment (ummm….copays are expensive..Nah, I choose to pay my never ending mountain of damned credit card bills….) I’ll just do as my mother suggests and pray about it. At least I know that I have a problem. And that’s the first step, right?
So, the point of this tangent is to say that I kind of went into a zone in a not good way this past week, as I thought about bills, debt, grad school plans, the election, the plight of working mothers, day care issues etc. and I stopped focusing on what I eat. I just ordered what I wanted. “What about your goals Mjaay?” you ask…Completely forgot about them. Plus, (sorry for this TMI…be forewarned) my “auntie” was visiting for the week, so PMS was an excuse to buy chocolate and salty junk.
I was looking for excuses to feed my anxiety, and I used all the events of the past two weeks to do it. Now that things have calmed down (although The Little One has an ear infection, strep throat, and is gettining in FIVE new teeth at the same time, so I don’t think it’s that calm!!) I can realize what I’ve down. I’m trying not to beat up myself too much (and I feel guilty because the last few posts here have been whiny…), just trying to be honest with myself so that I can recognize things and move on.
So, here are some personal goals for this week. And I am trying to make them simple, because sometimes, I do “too much” and make these big plans (did I mention that I am very much a perfectionist?!) and then I can’t follow thru, so I don’t do anything.
Here goes something:
1) exercise every day for an hour
2) eat breakfast every day
3) drink at least 10 glasses of water a day
4) take my lunch and snacks to work.
That’s it for now.
Please think good thoughts for me. And as always, I love comments!
Peace,
Mjaay
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