Still here.  

Here’s a brief update:

–Turned 29 in May. Realized that I really don’t want to be fat on my 30th b-day.

–Realized via “teacher camp” this summer, that I have a “fixed” mindset about myself..i.e., I fundamentally see myself inherently as a fat person, therefore blocking my own progress to becoming thin. 

–Starting having serious fat people problems: snoring badly. so badly, my 22 month old mimics my snoring as a joke. Cute, but sad. I have had *really* bad acid reflux. It’s the worst thing to wake up at 2am with stomach acid coming out of your nose and mouth. I’ve also hurt my foot several times; I’ve placed my weight on my right foot in an awkward way and been unable to walk on it for a few days.

–Realized that I have a truly unhealthy attachment to food. The thought of going on a diet has been making me really anxious and brought me to tears. The reason? I couldn’t bear the thought of not having ice cream. I asked my husband, (literally) “Who will listen to me when I am sad?” The who was my ice cream…

The increasing health problems, the fact that people are mistaking me for being in my 30s, the fact that I can’t fit clothes at Target anymore, that my foot hurts a lot, that my husband hates sleeping in the room with me (as I listen to him snore right now…), my toddler imitates me by faking snoring, and my stomach can flap…I am going to try again. I am going to try to go hardcore. Everything else allows me a slippery slope…straight into a pint of Hagen Daz, or a scoop of Praline’s and Cream on a waffle cone with Trader Joe’s ginger snaps mixed in. 

Tomorrow, I’ll be eating some $5.99 a pound organic cherries and sipping on green tea.

Pray for me.