My weight loss struggle.
Getting my stuff together.Archive for April, 2008
Keepin’ it simple.
Got up today and worked out again ! (In the interest of full disclosure, I have today off from work.)
This is the third morning that I have gotten up and exercised. I didn’t get up this weekend and exercise because Saturday we were supposed to go walk at the park, and Sunday morning I had my feeding of the homeless. So the exercise did not end up happening, but we did have some free fun together as a family, which was cool. We’re all about free or cheap fun these days.
I’m trying to just chill out and not get so worked up about everything. I tend to make things so complicated that they can’t be done. I know that I’ve said that before, but it’s a definite struggle for me. I come up with these complex plans and then I can’t follow through with them, and then I feel like a failure, which causes me to eat and be a slob.
I am just taking things easy. I am concentrating on working out with an exercise DVD at home every morning of the week. That’s easy enough. I am making sure that things are done, so I can do this. It’s amazing how many other things fall into place when I pick one thing to focus on. Ironic, huh?
I shouldn’t say that exercise is the only thing I am focusing on…that’s not completely true. I am also only eating dessert on Saturdays. (Still working on that!) I am making a point to eat better, and drink more water, but I am not making elaborate plans. I am just focusing on making sure that I work out every day in the mornings. This feels good, and manageable!
Sounds like the beginning of a good habit!
I worked out in the morning, two days in a row!
Yesterday, I woke up to feelings of anxiety. I’ve been really stressed out about the politics of work, and couldn’t sleep any longer. It was about 4:30. So, I decided to take that stress and turn it into something productive. I finished my lesson plans, did laundry, made myself a healthy breakfast (fruit smoothie!), and pulled out the long ago purchased DVD, “3 mile walk.” It felt so good. I felt like I was living my best life. The next day (today), I got up and did the same thing again. And tonight, when I was really craving ice cream, I went and made myself a fruit smoothie (just frozen fruit and juice.)
I am just focusing on one day at a time, and getting what needs to get done. This could be the beginning of very good habits.
From journey to struggle.
I recently changed the “tag” on my blog.
It once said, “My weight loss journey.” Now, it says, “My weight loss struggle.”
“Struggle” feels more accurate. I am struggling to keep my head above the fray. I am struggling to even care. And yet, I am still pressing on, trying to make better decisions, and honor my values.
This probably sounds so silly, but I fantacize about heing able to go shopping at Target, of all places. My clothing budget is almost non-existent these days, so Target (pronounce it right– Tar-JEY!) is haute coture for me!
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I finally received my contract for next year. Looks like I’ll be headed back into the madness. While I hate my place of employment, it is definitely strengthening my resolve, and making me more resilient. I am learning a lot about myself, and while I don’t like everything that I am discovering, it is keeping me honest, and is making me a better version of me; I can’t ask for better than that.
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I found out that I made it to the final step in a leadership program for which I applied. My interview is today. It’s something that I really want to do. I pray that the interview goes well today, and that I am accepted. I am excited about the program for a number of reasons, but I am excited most of all because I think that it would help me to become a more confident person.
Please excuse the typos and grammar mistakes in these last few posts. I don’t really have the time to write much these days. In order to keep this blog going, I just have to do it, which means the writing isn’t often brillant, and the prose has frequent errors.
Thanks for joining the ride in spite of those flaws.
Random Thoughts
Obviously, I am hanging on to this blog by a thread. But I havn’t completely stopped posting because this blog is the only thing that is keeping my accountable to my goals. I’ve been super busy, and very stressed out by my job. My Perfect Schedule has been changed because of budget cuts happening in the incompetent jurisdiction for which he works. Life is being lived. Here’s some thoughts to catch you up to speed…
- I looked in the mirror recently and realized that I don’t recognize my body. I see it, but I am disconnected from it. Long ago, I wrote a poem about how I used to run from mirrors. I realize that I’ve started doing it again.
- We narrowly missed a tornado a few weeks ago. Twice. It was totally divine intervention. We even saw one, as we drove by, golf ball sized hail hitting my car, saying, “Is that a tornado?”
- The anticipation of an event is worse than the actual event.
- I finally spoke up for myself at work.
- Life is precious.
- Dr. Phil, who I am not a fan of, once said that people keep doing the same behaviors because they get some benefit out of it. I keep wondering what benefit do I get out of remaining fat? The only thing that I have come up with is that worrying about what I am eating and working out requires effort that I am too lazy to commit to right now, so I don’t. Could that really be the case?
- Two months left in the school year. I can’t wait for it to be over. If I never teach ______ _______ again, I’ll be so happy!
- I am actively working to be grateful that the job that I hate, with the crazy people with whom I work. Lots of people are losing their homes, gas is hella expensive, and jobs are being outsourced everyday. I thank God for my piece of crazy.
