My weight loss struggle.
Getting my stuff together.Archive for December, 2007
Still on track, but…
I haven’t had a chance to post over the course of the past few days, but I am still on track. I have been very conscious about what I put into my body, although I still have room for improvement. I am proud about how I have been doing, and would love lots of encouragement (and a partner to do it with..Hint! Hint! Hubby!!)
I was debating doing a “cleanse” diet. I was going to do Dr. Ian Smith’s diet, or Dr. Joel Furhman’s. Both call for a period of eliminating lots of foods at least initially. While I could do that, I am trying to stay in this for the long haul, therefore, I think it’s important that I structure my life and eating in a way that I can maintain. So maybe later, when I have maintained good eating habits for a while, I can venture into a cleansing type of eating pattern.
I still have a long way to go when it comes to exercise. I haven’t done any! Part of that is that I’ve been caring for my very busy 16 month old while on vacation. And frankly, going for a walk with him does not motivate him. He’s going through a whiny rambunctious stage, and I like to relax while walking…not entertain a toddler. Yes, I am working on my attitude in this regard. My thought for the week has been, “maybe having one child wouldn’t be so bad…”
So, that’s my update. Oh, and “my auntie” is visiting, so I won’t be weighing myself until she leaves…
That’s all.
Now that I have started watching what I eat again, I am remembering all the thoughtfulness that it takes to be healthy. For example, yesterday, I met up with a dear friend from college. We met at Barnes and Noble in the cafe. Although I had eaten lunch before I met up with her, I was feeling very tired and wanted some caffeine to help keep me alert. I hate Starbucks coffee, so instead of getting coffee, I purchased a bottle of Tazo Tea and Lemonade, which broke certain rules that I have set for myself (i.e., no sugary drinks.) We ended up talking for much longer than I had planned, so we ended up getting hungry and getting pretzels to eat. I had a very non-healthy jalapeno/Cheddar cheese stuffed pretzel.
I must must remember to carry snacks with me. Ones that I will actually eat. (In the past I have ended up with rotten apples and oranges at the bottom of my purse!) I must also carry a bottle of water, and a couple of tea bags, and maybe even a small container of honey, for when I need a boost of caffeine. I think that I will go to Trader Joes and get some trail mix to carry with me. But, and this is a big BUT, I will divide the mix into serving size bags…otherwise, I’ll eat the entire bag!
I know, I know, it sounds a bit neurotic. And while I am not above neurosis, I do believe that being prepared is essential to me staying on track.
Plan
Well, it took me a few days to get to a true mental place where I could begin.
And although I shouldn’t have, I indulged in a few “going away” treats. I shouldn’t say “going away.” That’s misleading. I don’t plan to give up sweets, or even fried food.
My goal is to achieve harmony and balance in my life and to make peace with food. All of it. From brown rice, to Popeye’s fried chicken to Trader Joe’s mango lemonade (so good!) to Baskin Robbins Pralines and Cream ice cream (G-d, please let me go to heaven, and please let there be ice-cream there!) A large part of my weight problem (no pun intended) is that I do not know how to deal with stressors and stress. I let almost everything and everyone get to me. I don’t have a barrier or filter. I am like a weak branch on a tree on a windy day: the slightest wind knocks me here and there. The smallest things can cause me to have an awful day, and to be stressed out for weeks. Literally. It is at these times I turn to food. Comfort food. Cheese. Burgers. Fries. Fried Chicken. Macaroni and Cheese. Grits (with lots of butter, salt, and cheese. Notice a theme with the cheese?!) I behave as if I don’t have time for anything but my stress and eating. I walk in a trance looking for food.
So this project of mine that I have embarked on, this challenge, is more than about just weight loss. It’s about changing how I interact with the world, and how I see and value me.
…………………………………..
On at least three occasions in my life I have lost a significant amount of weight. The first time was when I was in college. Over the course of my second semester of freshman year through the first semester of my sophomore year, I lost approximately 40 pounds. I went from about 212 pounds to 174 pounds. I worked out daily, ate sensible meals, gave up fast food, and studied nutrition. The second time was after college, when I went on a cleanse and fasted on “flower tea”, honey, and vitamins for three weeks, and walked for two hours a day. (Don’t worry, I couldn’t repeat this even I wanted!) The third time was when I gave up processed foods, ate “whole” foods, and exercised daily.
I maintained the first weight loss the longest. I attribute my initial success to the formation of good habits. I had a routine. And I stuck with it. I know that this sounds crazy, but somewhere along the way, I decided that routines were bad. Too restrictive. I looked at the successful people around me, and decided that they didn’t have routines (ummm…how I knew this, I don’t know!) so why should I? Therefore, I abandoned my routines. (At another time I’ll write about the problem I have comparing my life/self/possessions/career to others.) Now of course, I didn’t make a conscious decision to lay my routines (that worked!) to rest, but the lay psychotherapist that I now am, I recognize that that’s what I did. In every case where I was successful with losing weight, I had a routine, excercised, and kept my eyes on the prize.
It is what I must do again.
My plan for peace, moderation, balance, and weight loss looks like this:
Food//Water: At least 1o cups a day, only water, tea (not the ubiquitous “sweet tea”, just herbal or unsweetened). Coffee and juice in moderation. No artificial drinks.
No hydrogenated fats. No artificial dyes. No high fructose corn syrup. No white flour products. No fake sweetners.
Sweets once a week in small quantities.
Sensible Breakfast. (Without breakfast, I snack ALL day.)
Fruit Snack.
Sensible Lunch.
Fruit Snack.
Sensible Dinner.
Fruit dessert.
Daily routine: (In a nutshell!!)
Sun: Family walk. Yoga @ YMCA//prepare for week with food prep and clothes selection//Evening Prayer & Meditation//Bed @9:30
On the work side ( a HUGE source of my stress), make sure lesson plans are done.
Mon: up by 5:00 Prayer & Meditation//Morning 30 minute Yoga//me-time//Eve Walk//P&M//bed @9:3o
Tues: Prayer & Meditation//Mrng 30 min Yoga//Walk drng X block @ wrk//me tme/bed@9:30
Wed: Prayer & Meditation//15 minute stretch//me time//Evening Step Class//P&M//b@9:30
Thurs: Prayer & Meditation//15 min stretch//Walk during lst plan period//me time/b@10 w/p&m (Grey’s Anatomy comes on tonight!)
Fri: Prayer & Meditation//Morning 30 minute yoga//me time//Evening Walk//Prayer & Meditation
Sat: Prayer & Meditation//Yoga//me time//African Dance// Family time//Prayer & Meditation
I know this looks super detailed, (I actually have a more detailed one in my planner) but I realize there are so many components to living a good life: Keeping things in perspective….Realizing that there is a higher power. Being grateful. Spending time together as a family. Reading to my son. Spending time alone. Spending time with my husband. Nursing my marriage. Fufilling my commitments to my volunteer work. Finding time to call my parents. (And I guess I should include my siblings in this…I need prayer and meditation to deal with them!!!)
Outside of the prayer and meditation times, I see the “me-time” as the most important time on those schedules. It’s what I have been neglecting. During me-time, I just take time to relax. I put the stresses of the world away (e.g., “God please not Giuliani…!!!!!!) and I reconnect with me, which allows me to deal with life, and not have to drug myself with food.
This was a long post, but I needed to get this plan out there. I feel more accountable to following through with it when I know that I have an audience.
Even if I don’t know you. Which I hope will change.
“I wasn’t always fat.”
I didn’t start out fat.
As far as I know, I was an average sized baby. With a long head. My parents (read: father) thought that I was disabled because of my long head. Turns out, I just have a big head. Somewhere along the way I went from being a lanky tallish girl, to being a BIG girl.
I can psychoanalyze it all for you at a later time, but the short version is this:
I learned very little about nutrition from my parents. My mom got a job at Krispy Kreme when I was in the eighth grade. I’d eat four donuts (cinnamon twists to be exact) for breakfast, lots of junk for lunch, and return home for more donuts. I went to my first trip to Weight Watchers that year. Somwhere along the way, food became a coping mechanism for me. A way to cope with the pain of social isolation and fear, and with the unhappiness at home.
Fast forward five years…It’s my first year of college.
I am one the largest girls in the freshman class at my all-the-girls-are-skinny Ivy League school. I learn about nutrition, start to exercise and I lose most of the excess weight. After graduation approaches, I am stumped. What does a woman like me do now? The weight starts to creep back on. Old habits come back.
200 pounds comes…
and goes…
202..
210..
212..
220…
225…
247.
It’s been almost 7 years since I graduated from college.
I am now 28. Married. A mother. A teacher. And very fat.
(See the number above.)
Somewhere along the way, I lost myself. I got caught up mentally in past pains, and I.let.myself.go.
I’ve said it. It’s true.
But a recent trip to see old friends reminded me of who I am, and what I want. I want to see my son live. I want to travel the world. I want to grow old with my husband.
I want to me proud of myself again.
So, I’ve joined the challenge (www.50millionpounds.com) in order to free myself.
Join the ride.
